“Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in high regard.” – Esther Perel You’re reactive. You really are. I know, ‘others’ are way more out-to-lunch when they’re upset and defensive, and they really need to get their act together (and wouldn’t they be significantly less annoying if they did?). But back … Read more

How Well Should You Connect With Others at Work?

As a coach I’ve had a reoccurring interaction with managers that goes something like this: Them: “…of course, as a leader, I can’t afford to get too close to my direct-reports.” Me: “Really? Why not?” Them: “Well, I’m in the position to hire & fire and I don’t want our friendship to cloud my judgement. … Read more


You’re an executive, a founder, an entrepreneur of some stripe. You’ve heard of coaching and the people who do it. Maybe you even know someone who’s been on the receiving end of that kind of service. But that doesn’t mean you know why you would engage one, right? Need Vs Want Simply saying everyone needs … Read more

I Posture, You Posture – We Need To Stop It!

In the tradition of authentic-relating, a distinction is made between two broad categories of inauthenticity: posturing and collapsing. Collapsing is to implode under the experience of pressure, it’s to succumb, give in, cave. It’s inauthentic because no one is actually inferior to others and so to act that way is disingenuous. Unsurprisingly, as a pervasive … Read more

Setting The Standard

BACK IN THE EARLY 2000s, the great Steve Biddulph came to town and led a workshop on parenting that changed the way I look at conflict in relationships.   I wasn’t even there, it was that transformative.     My dear wife had the sense to attend and returned home with, amongst other things, a powerful standard … Read more

How Success REALLY Happens

I HAVE WORKED WITH THOUSANDS OF HUMANS. That’s no exaggeration. Over the last 25+ years, I’ve helped folk leverage, solve, resolve, or just move on from every kind of challenge, dilemma, trauma, and conundrum you could imagine (and a great number of problems you haven’t yet heard of). Early in my career, I focused on … Read more

The Dark Side Of Ambition Isn’t What You Think It Is

Let’s be clear. The upside of ambition is success. Plain and simple. Ambition is what gets us places.     Sure, the term itself is also associated with social-climbing, ruthlessness, and the pursuit of fame, fortune, and status.     But we all know that. Just as we know it isn’t only those motivations.     … Read more

Manage Your Intrusive Thoughts & Feelings

Although often ‘life’s a box of chocolates,’ sometimes it most assuredly ain’t. Metaphors of rollercoasters and rough-seas don’t come close to encompassing what some life-events do to us. Devastation comes in many forms, all bad, and while we undergo whatever trial Fate has in store for us and those we love, life, our life, must … Read more

What To Do When ‘Triggered’ At Work

“Sweet are the uses of adversity which like the toad ugly and venomous wears yet a precious jewel in his head.” As You Like It, William Shakespeare If you never feel upset at work—whether you show it or not—then you are either living in a utopia or bored out of your gourd. I doubt either … Read more

How To Say Almost Anything To Anyone

ARGUABLY, OUR BIGGEST OBSTACLE to the continued development of any relationship is our capacity to say difficult stuff. A limit on candidness restrains both truth-telling and creativity, making real change and improvement impossible. Think about it. What are conversations with others for, both at and away from work, if not to discuss what matters most? … Read more